Intuition, otherwise known as an instinct, a gut feeling, hunch, or inkling, is often described as coming to a conclusion without having gone through any structured mental reasoning. Instead, intuition involves us relying on a feeling that we often can’t explain.

In many contexts today, openly talking about how our intuition helps inform our lives would lead us to be laughed at (at best) and completely dismissed (at worst). But, losing our ability to connect with our intuition can lead us to make decisions that don't serve us. I'm not saying that our entire lives should be led by our intuition, I believe in relying on other mechanisms too, but I do think that we need to be able to hear what our intuitive voice is communicating to us, and then decide what we do.

Even though I’m quite spontaneous in my approach to life, in the past, I would always question myself, or slightly doubt every decision. But in recent years, I’ve tried to block out my self-doubt and really tune in to my intuition.

I now try my best to listen to and follow my instincts so much more in my life, and I believe it’s one of the reasons that I’m happier and calmer today than I ever have been. But, I wanted to explore the question of why I lost touch with my intuition in the first place, and how this became replaced with so much self-doubt. So here goes…

When I was younger, I never believed in my academic ability. This was only made worse when I went to university and was surrounded by people who I perceived were far more intelligent and capable than me (imposter syndrome at its best). Then, on entering the world of full-time work at the age of 23 in a very political (in both senses of the word) environment, my self-doubt grew. I remember always feeling on edge, waiting for someone to catch me out and prove that I had no right to be in this job.

However, the truth is, that like many of us who identify as women, and particularly women of colour, when we enter the corporate world of work, we’re entering into a space that isn’t made for us. We’re often entering into a space where feminine energy is frowned upon, and facts, front, and figures are king. This can often result in us having to hide and suppress who we are, and how we feel, in order to get by. For me, this experience led to me losing who I was and suffering terrible anxiety. I didn’t believe in myself, my ability to do anything, or to make the right choices.

As I’ve spoken about in previous blog posts, after years of pretending that I was fine in this stifling working environment, I had to face the truth, that I needed to make drastic change and rethink my life. And slowly, over the last few years I’ve been able to do this. I’ve built a life that gives me far more freedom to express myself openly and honestly, which has helped me connect with my intuition and quietened my internal questioning. However, at times I still experience old feelings and begin to doubt myself.

Because I now try to actively challenge my self-doubt when I feel it rearing its ugly head, I’ve noticed the situations in which it can be triggered, and there seems to be a pattern. It’s often in situations where people (particularly men, sorry!) feel that they have the right to tell me about my life.

For example, I was at an event a while ago, and got chatting to a couple. Someone asked the classic conversation starter, “what is it you do?” (I hate that question!), and so I simply said that I was starting my own business as a coach. That was literally all I said, and the man in the couple launched into a 10-minute monologue (I kid you not) about what he thought my marketing strategy should be…I mean?! He knew nothing about my business, about me, or my audience, and yet he still felt that he had more knowledge and experience than me to tell me what I should do. My initial reaction was to feel small and stupid, to doubt my own ability, because by lecturing me in my own business, he had taken away all of my power and confidence, but when I thought about it, I actually found it hilarious. I mean wow, I wish I believed in myself that much. And actually, I bloody should. Who cares what some idiotic guy in a suit tells me, he shouldn’t be able to influence how I feel about myself or my business. I know what is best, and I need to believe in myself enough in order to make it happen, and I’ve learnt that so much of this is about following my gut feelings.  

Situations like this (I’m sure they’re familiar to many of you) aren’t acceptable, and they reinforce the message that we, particularly as women, should listen instead of act, that we don’t know or understand, and this blocks us further from our relationship with our intuition because we end up not trusting ourselves.  

But there are small things we can do to help us believe in ourselves and trust our incredibly important intuition. Here they are, and I encourage you to try some of these things for yourself…

1.     Challenge yourself to follow-up with people that you get positive energy from

Following our intuition can often lead to beautiful things. For example, since I decided to listen more to my gut, I've met so many different and interesting people because I started reaching out to those I felt I connected with, even if I was nervous of their rejection or lack of reply. For example, when I listen to a podcast episode that I think is really good, I now reach out to that person (usually via Instagram) and I tell them that. I go to a variety of events even if I don't know what they're going to be like, because I get an inkling to do so. I follow-up with people that I might have just met once or twice and let them know that I really enjoyed speaking to them and would like to keep in touch, because nothing happens unless we start to put ourselves out there. And once we do, it's incredible what can happen.

I know I'm making this all sound so simple and there is a lot of fear and self-doubt involved in putting ourselves out there. So, my advice would be, just start small. This could involve something as simple as writing an appreciative comment on someone's Instagram post, just letting them know that you're out there, and that you value what they're doing in the world. There's certainly no harm in putting positive energy out into the world, and who knows what you might get back.

2.     Your feelings are valid

Emotions, particularly ones expressed by those who identify as women, are often dismissed. They are not perceived as being valid when putting forward a point. Instead, we are forced to communicate “hard facts” rather than experiences. This is frustrating, and also dangerous, because it can prevent us from believing in our reality. If you’re in a situation and you feel that your experiences and emotions are not being heard, don’t internalise this and think that it’s because how you feel isn’t justified. Instead, take a step back from the situation and look at why that person isn’t able to hear you. Maybe, it’s because by acknowledging your feelings, they will have to question some fundamental things about themselves that they’re not ready to do? But also, walk away. You do not need to justify how you feel, and why, to every single person, or in every context. Your feelings are valid, and that’s enough.  

3.     Follow through with an idea, however stupid you might feel it is

We’re all guilty of not following through with something, however small it is, because we don’t believe in ourselves enough. But when we do try those things, and they’re ideas that come from the heart, they can bring us so much joy. It could be anything from reaching out to an old friend or taking up a new hobby. But just try it, you could end up feeling like it was the best decision you ever made.

If you’ve enjoyed reading this, I talk about the importance of leaning in to our intuition and lots of other things to help us slow down and tune in to who we are in my workbooks. You can download them for free by scrolling to the bottom of my homepage here.